Is God Enough??

That was the name of my devotional for yesterday and it totally struck a cord in me.

The basis for this devotional comes from 1 Samuel 8 where basically all of the elders of Israel approached Samuel and said that they didn't want Samuel or his sons anymore but they wanted to be ruled by a king like all of the other nations (which were corrupt by the way)...Samuel, disagreeing with this, prayed to God for his guidance and God basically said that it isn't anything personal to Samuel, but it's personal to Him. Despite that though, God still wanted Samuel to give the the Isrealites what they had chosen, so they got a king like all the other nations.

In my devo part of that it basically asked me to pick whether I'm more like the Samuel who is confronted by people asking him to make changes he believes are wrong of the Israelites who are wanting to be like others. After a few seconds it was pretty obvious which one I am...I'm exactly like the Israelites, which I kind of hate that part of myself...always wanting to be like others and if I'm not like others in a certain way, then major anxiety and self questioning follows...it's a problem.

This lead to the following questions...how might trying to be like someone else cheat you out of what God wants for you? And what would your life look like if you trusted God to give you what you needed, regardless of how odd that may seem when compared to other people's lives?? After thinking a little bit, I came to this conclusion: My life would be SO much better!! If I could just stop comparing myself to other people and losing my joy out of it and started to trust that the Lord has got his hand on me in this, that he has his awesome plans for me and he made me unique in some ways for a reason, I would be so much more content with where I'm at and who I am!!

In the final words of my devotional it asks me to sit in a quiet place, and practice feeling okay being different from other people, even trying to view my difference as special or chosen...man is that harder than it sounds!! Being different, I don't want to be different! I think this is the point in life where differences are starting to become even more pronounced which is why this resonated so much in me because it's getting harder now that my friends and I are all pursuing different paths...most people are going to grad school, and I'm not. Most people are taking the GREs right now, and I'm not. Even though it's such a little thing, I think I'd feel so much more comfortable if I was doing all of this grad school stuff just so I didn't feel different and so that I could have a safety net of knowing what's next for me, surrounding me...but I have no desire to go to grad school, it wouldn't be right for me to pursue all of it because I don't think that's where the Lord is leading me. He's leading me somewhere, I just don't know where yet!! I have to keep reminding myself that right now He has got his hands on me and I just need to wait on him to show me what's next because he's got a special and chosen plan for me.

A special and chosen plan for me....I have to keep reminding myself of this daily....a special and chosen plan for me!

Weekly Wisdoms by Grandma Joyce

I want to introduce you to Weekly Wisdoms by Grandma Joyce!

I am very blessed to have both sets of grandparents still kickin it and one great grandma who just turned 94 and going strong! I've got some good lasting genes in me : )

Anyways all of my grandparents spoil me rotten and are so good to me...especially my Grandma Joyce. Here are a few reasons I love her so much:

• She sends me clippings from magazines that she thinks I'll like or find useful
• She's very creative and spends her day doing interior decorating
• She believes in dessert before dinner (yum yum!)
• She's got awesome stories to share
• AND not to mention she's traveled the world.

Recently she's been emailing me (ya she knows to how to email...does your grandma?!) and my cousins weekly words of wisdom and I thought I'd share a few with you....

• Make a list of your ten favorite things; keep it in a safe spot and refer to it the next time you feel sad.
• The very next time you’re angry about something, release your frustration by engaging in a nondestructive activity: hit some tennis balls, go running….Put that negative energy to a positive use that benefits your body and mind.
• For one full week, smile more than usual. Make it bigger and better than before. Smiles are contagious. You will receive smiles in return.

Good advice, thanks Grandma!

Fall is almost here yippy!!

Goodness gracious I'm so bad at blogging...such large gaps!

Once again I've become inspired to blog...and just about life this time! Sometimes I'd like to share with people what's going on in my life and other times I feel really vulnerable and so I'm like this little turtle that starts to poke my head out and then I get scared by something little like grass and I quickly retreat back into my shell...so here it is, I'm not going to be afriad of no grass! I'm sticking my head out of my shell to tell the cyber world about MY LIFE!

Here it goes....

Right now I'm experiencing discontentment in my life living in Tucson which is a very frustrated place to be at because sometimes I feel as if I'm only living for the next exciting event that's happening in my life...currently that would be the countdown until Fed gets home in the middle of November (sooo far away!! I miss my buddy!!) and because of that I'm not finding joy in the everyday things or even in the opporunity to go to school. I know I'm going to miss school once it's over in May and it freaks me out to think I don't have any clue what I'm doing after and so I want to fully appreciate my time while I'm still in school but when I'm only living for the few exciting moments that are in the future I'm oblivious to what I have now. Part of me thinks this discontentment comes from not feeling at home or where I'm supposed to be, and I don't mean not being in Phoenix, but I'm so ready to be out of academia where it feels like everyone's goals are to get a good rec letter or get into grad school. There's just so much competition in that environment, and I think Tucson is beautiful but it's not where I want to end up...so I think part of it is just not quite feeling at home yet which is probably good because I want some more adventures before I find that place that feels exactly right and I never want to leave! Wait, does that even happen?! Not sure...

That brings me to my next point...I'm still feeling really at peace about my whole future thing. Still scares the crap out of me when I truly think about it but I also have come to this point where I am fully relying on the Lord to let me know what I'm supposed to do and not worrying about the next step, he'll bring me something, he always does so why would this time be any different??

So some new developments in ideas about future career possibilities have sprung up on me in the last month or so....now I am praying to find direction between these two because they are quite different. Drum roll please....ultra sound tech!! or graphic designer! Well ok, graphic design has always been in the back of my head because I love creative things, but I constantly have this little voice inside that tells me I don't have that intrinsic creative quality you would need to be a graphic designer...but do they teach you that in school? Do I have it and I just am doubting it? Now ultra sound tech is completely the opposite direction, I'd be working in a medical field but I'd be working with people in a rewarding setting, and I could wear scrubs all day (heck ya!) but will I get bored of it easily because there's not that creative element? Get my point here...neither one fits perfectly but both could fit and both are totally different! I think the dilemma also comes with not fully knowing exactly what I'd be getting into with either one....hopefully this will become more obvious as time goes.

Other life updates right now include:

• Making progress on my thesis (praise Jesus!)
• Missing my buddy soo much right now I can't wait until he's back into town
• Being challenged by YL but in a good way that makes me re-evaluate where my value is coming from
• Becoming obsessed with chai tea lattes
• Working on week 5 (out of 9) of running which will eventually lead me to running a full 30 minutes which should hopefully be 3 miles!
• Wanting to travel somewhere...Colorado? California? Somewhere close and easy but different...
• Started volunteering at Arts for All...a school based solely on art classes (ceramics, music, drawing, etc.) for people with disabilities

Ok so sorry for the book I just wrote...but I had to update you! Hopefully I can try to keep this up so that my future posts won't be nearly as lengthy and detailed...this is a good challenge to look for the little things during the day (which I'm not very good at) that make an impact : )